Going Crazy in My Cell

The Beat Within, Commentaries, Various Authors Posted: Mar 29, 2008

Editor’s Note: Removing the stigma from mental health services is a top priority among practitioners and policy makers in the field. We asked young people detained in juvenile halls in California and New Mexico: “When you hear the term ‘mental health’ what comes to mind?” Their answers reveal some clues as to why the term carries a negative association and how easily accessible, culturally-competent, high quality care may be the best antidote. The Beat Within is a weekly magazine of writing and art from inside juvenile halls and prisons.

When I hear the term “mental health,” depression instantly comes to my mind. I don’t think that my mind is healthy being in juvenile hall at all. My counselors have seen my depression and are doing their best to help me out. Depression is not an easy thing to cope with. I have had it since I was about 10 years old. Now I know some ways to ease my mind and relax, but that never makes it go away. I deal with pain that sometimes makes me want to commit suicide, but I know that killing myself is not worth it. Being locked up feels like it’s physically damaging my brain, but it’s really not. It has made me very, very depressed. But I am not going write about that because it hurts too much. When I get out I am going to totally change my life around and leave depression behind.
- Fighting Depression

I think I’m pretty mentally healthy. I don’t really think I need help from counselors or psychiatrists, but the court thinks I’m emotionally disturbed or something and psychiatrists just try to prescribe unhealthy meds. Luckily my parents said NO! Really, what helps me most is trying to stay good and follow God’s word, pray and have faith. Also, I practice staying calm, meditating and focusing on positive things. I’m pretty good at being my own counselor. Although I wasn’t always leading a healthy life in the past, all the unhealthiness has brought me to many realizations on what to do and what not to do. When I’m not in here I only eat natural food, and exercise a lot. I had a run in with some drugs, but have learned to stay away from them. Now I’m at the point where I’m just trying to be as good and smart and healthy as possible!
-Thomas

Mental health: people think it’s funny. Nope. It’s okay if you need counseling, because actually all people need to talk about their feelings and problems. Sometimes I’m really glad I got in the system because I can get the counseling and help I need and because I get to take a step back and look at my problems. Why? Think negative and you just mentally abuse yourself. Yup, I heard that from my counselor.
- Sophia

Mental health means nothing to me. I think that’s just a place where they put crazy people. Like when they are really messed up in the head. I also think the juvenile hall staff are the ones that need counseling because sometimes they don’t even know what they are talking about. They don’t even help the juveniles out. They just talk to them like nothing’s happening.
- Mentally Confident

Mental Health is when somebody like me is incarcerated for so long. Once you are in this place you can’t do what you want. No more eating, sleeping, watching TV when you want, it’s like once you’re in your cell all you see is white walls. When you’re in your cell you can’t come out when you want, it drives you crazy. It feels like you can never come out and when you’re out of your cell all you can do is watch movies. You start to get depressed; you start feeling like killing your self. You can’t use the phone when you want or see your family. When you are in here you have to keep yourself from yelling and cussing at staff or even fighting, because if you do all that will do is put more time on your hands. So, while you’re in here you have to learn from your mistakes.
- Rastice

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